From Ernie:
I did not know this…
When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Warn all your friends.
Funny one from Jeannie!
2007 – Chinese year of the Chicken – Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia
2008 – Chinese year of the Horse – Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing
2009 – Chinese year of the Pig – Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.
Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It gets worse…….. next year……
And another great one from Ernie!
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Manchester…
The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago.
But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’
Here’s a bit of a sacrilegious one from Edel. It’s a very Irish themed joke, to really get the punchline you have to know that Tallaght is a working class suburb of Dublin.
An Australian, a German and a Tallaght man are in the bar. They’re staring at the man sitting by himself, at a table in the corner. He’s so familiar, and not recognizing him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Tallaght man twigs: ‘My God, it’s Jesus!’
Sure enough, it is Jesus nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of Becks. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he’s finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the German and shakes it thanking him for the Becks. When he lets go, the German gives a cry of amazement: ‘My God, the arthritis I’ve had for thirty years is gone. It’s a miracle!’
Jesus then shakes the hand of the Aussie, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets go, the man’s eyes widen in shock. ‘Strewth mate, the back pain I’ve had all my life is completely gone! It’s a miracle.’
Jesus then approaches the Tallaght man, who knocks over a chair and a table trying to get away from the Son of God.
‘What’s wrong?’ says Jesus.
Ilya sent me this! I’m not posting the original file he sent me, but someone put this copy on YouTube! It appears to be an advertising for a UK site call LittleWoods Direct.
From Norm:
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
“What’s the matter?” he asks.
“I have a case of anal glaucoma,” she says in a weak voice.
“What the hell is anal glaucoma?”