Category: work

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american Motorbike work

CEO of the Week

Another great joke from Ernie, I doubt if this really happened at Harley Davidson, but it’s funny.

If you’ve ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting all the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

Harley Davidson, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On his first tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall.

The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, ‘How much money do you make a week?’

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, ‘I make $400 a week. Why?’

The CEO then took out his wallet, handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, ‘Here’s four weeks’ pay, now GET OUT OF HERE and don’t come back.’

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, ‘Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here? ‘

From across the room came a voice:

Continue reading “CEO of the Week”
Categories
irish politics work

Cowen is my shepherd …

From Edel! You need to know a wee bit about Irish politics to get this one, but basically it’s current Taoiseach (Prime Minister), Brian Cowen, for the economic problems:

Cowen is my shepherd, I shall not work. He leadeth me beside the still factories. He restoreth my faith in Fine Gael.

He guideth me to the path of unemployment.
Yea, though I wait for my dole, I own the bank that refuses me.
Cowen has anointed my income with taxes, my expense runneth over my income, surely, poverty and hard living will follow me all the days of his term.
From hence fort we will live all the days of our lives in a rented home with an overseas landlord.
I am glad I am Irish, I am glad that I am free.
But I wish I was a dog, and Cowen was a tree.

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2009/03/09/cowen-is-my-shepherd/

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english irish medicine work

Medical Conditions …

A great one from Edel!

Three Doctors discussing their countries medical achievements.

Israeli doctor says “We took a kidney out of one man and put it in another and he was out looking for work in 6 months.”

English doctor says “We took a lung out of one man and put it in another and he was out looking for work in 5 months!”

Irish doctor says “We took an arsehole out of Offaly and put it in the Dáil (Parilment) and the whole country was out looking for work in 3 months…”

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funny work

20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

And another from Ernie!

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It ‘In.’

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ‘For Smuggling Diamonds’

7. Finish All Your sentences with ‘In Accordance With The Prophecy.’

Continue reading “20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity”
Categories
irish tasteless work

The Dole

From Edel, I think this joke came from Amerika as it mentions welfare (which they don’t call it that in Ireland) and someone modified it for their Irish friend:

At the dole office in New Ross a local traveller walked in to pick up his cheque.
He marched straight up to the counter and said, ‘Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.’

The social worker behind the counter said, ‘Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

You’ll have to drive around in his 2007 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.
This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job assignment, to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.

A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is ˆ200,000 a year.’

The Traveller just plain wide-eyed, said, ‘ you’re bullshittin’ me!’

The social worker said, ‘ Yeah, well you started it.’

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/07/05/the-dole/

Categories
work

Meetings!

And I forget who sent me this:
Meetings are Time Wasters.

Categories
ill women work

Calling in sick

From Norm:
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

“What’s the matter?” he asks.

“I have a case of anal glaucoma,” she says in a weak voice.

“What the hell is anal glaucoma?”

“I can’t see my ass coming into work today.”

http://www.timony.com/jokes/2008/03/05/calling-in-sick

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image work

Complaints!

This and the beer cooler are from Jeannie!
Complaints Grenade

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drink work

What ever office needs.

Beer Cooler. Heineken copyright by Heineken, NL.

Categories
government men work

Government Job

Harry Peters went to the Australian Tax Office for a job interview.
The interviewer looks at his resume and asks him, “Are you a veteran?”

“Yes, I served 8 years in the army.”

“Good, that counts in your favour. Do you have any service-related disabilities?”

“I am 100% disabled. A mortar blew off my testicles so they declared me disabled. It doesn’t affect my ability to work, though.”

“Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you. I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10 tomorrow, and we’ll get you started.”

“If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?”

“Well, this is a government organization. We don’t do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point your coming in for that.”